Vulnerable
by Little Miss188
Summary: Sex. To Kurt it never really mattered, he had only really thought so far as to kissing and that was far enough because he was vulnerable but the talk with his Dad leads him to reconsider that. Reviews are love :  x


I flicked through the leaflets knowing that Dad wanted me to be educated. I didn't know how I felt about sex- I hadn't really considered it. It just felt that having sex would be awkward and yes, sticking my fingers in my ears and refusing to listen was little less than childish of me, but the fact was I was scared.

You're never more vulnerable than you are when you have sex. I'm vulnerable anyway. I'm a lot more vulnerable than most teenage boys. Losing my Mum had made me feel like I had lost it all, the relationship with my Dad had just been developing (slowly but surely) after admitting that I was gay, at that point I was vulnerable but happier because I didn't know what was around the corner. That kiss with Karofsky, that kiss had changed me completely.

I had been stripped of my first kiss with a bully who threatened to kill me. As much as Blaine continued to assure me that he understood that, he never really could. Nobody could understand because the whole experience was the most terrifying moment of my life. That moment had made me vulnerable.

It hadn't taken me five seconds to realize what, and specifically who, had prompted my Dad to have the discussion. Blaine. He had tried himself to tell me about what he knew but I didn't want to know. I didn't want to face what could happen to me if I lost my guard. Sex was supposed to be about being there for somebody you loved but in this society it didn't feel like that. It felt like a way to give yourself up for somebody.

The "Boys + Boys" booklet had obviously come from Miss. Pillsbury's office who I knew wasn't altogether comfortable with the subject either. Maybe having the conversation with her would've been easier because we were on the same level. I just couldn't do that though because I went to Dalton and she worked at McKinley.

I refused to regret my choice to move to Dalton but lately I had been questioning my decision. I loved Blaine and in so many ways that made it hard to leave but I missed my family who appreciated me for my individuality. Dalton was great but I missed my old friends even though I had Blaine who was everything to me. Karofsky was the reason for me to run but running didn't help anyone. He had to come out some time and when he did he would have no ground to bully me on.

My thoughts were interrupted by the bleep of my cell phone. It was a text from Blaine:

_Want to meet up in fifteen minutes? Lima Bean? – B _

I knew that it was probably to see how I took the talk but I didn't like refusing an opportunity to be with Blaine, however sad that may sound. I also needed to thank him in a weird way: even though he had crossed the line he had tried to help me in the best way possible. I typed back:

_Okay, fifteen minutes, get me a coffee will you? I'll wait for you in the front booth. – K_

I slipped on my shoes and headed out to the car but I couldn't escape the notice of my Dad. He was still in the kitchen eating his toast which I had only picked at. Sex and toast did not mix. "Where you going?" he asked, coming to meet me in the hallway.

"Blaine and I are meeting up for coffee. I'll be back in an hour. Is that okay?" I smiled. Dad could be uptight about things like that because he had never really understood how little confidence I had in situations he feared for. Having talked to Blaine had restored some trust (at least the trust he had lost when Blaine awoke in my bed) that he wasn't a bad person in my Dad.

"Sure." he replied, going back to the kitchen. "Be out as long as you like."

My eyes clocked Blaine, who was already sat waiting, as soon as I walked into the Lima Bean. He waved at me as a signal for me to come over.

"Hey Kurt." he said with no sense of awkwardness. Blaine had always been a good actor but not good enough to fool me that he didn't know what had just happened between me and my Dad. Nevertheless, I had decided in the drive down that I was going to play oblivious and see how the conversation went.

"Hey, you wanted to meet?"

"Yeah, I wanted to apologize mainly. You don't have to try to be sexy; it is something that should come naturally when you feel secure enough. I get that. The only reason I was really pushing it was because you were oblivious about the facts. I know I'm older than you but I was the same age when I found out the facts and they were scary for me. I didn't know how to feel because I was confused. Maybe I went off my own past a bit too much, but I wanted you to know that I was there for you. Yes, I went about it the wrong way but this isn't the first time I made a mistake." I didn't speak. I wasn't sure what to say. I had been almost certain that he would admit talking to my Dad first that Blaine had completely thrown me off guard.

There was only one thing that I could think of to say. "My Dad just gave me the talk." Blaine didn't look surprised he just relaxed slightly. It was probably easier for him if my Dad had told me the basics; it meant that he didn't have to force the facts on me.

He nodded. "Yes. I have another apology. That's my fault."

"I already know that, I may be naive to sex but I am not dumb- I know you too well."

He nodded, grinning slightly. Realizing that I had a coffee in front of me, I began to sip at it, using it to warm my cold hands. "So how did it go?"

"I don't think it can ever go really good but he made an effort. I mean he didn't tell me what went on- I still don't think he's comfortable with that- but he explained what it's meant to feel like and why and he gave me these pamphlets."

This reassured Blaine slightly.

"Just one question, what exactly did you tell my Dad to convince him that this was the best time for the sex talk?"

I didn't get a reply for a while; he was considering what to say and how to edit his answer. After a long silence he said: "That one day you'd be at a pub with a boy and things would get serious and you wouldn't know what to do."

That stumped me. I hadn't considered it like this. In my mind I wasn't going to be the type that went to bars to pick up dates: had Blaine pin pointed me as that type or was it just good tactics to persuade my father? I decided to choose the latter because it seemed the nicer answer.

"So are you fully educated now?"

"As educated as I ever want to be," I still had the pamphlets to read which I wanted to do to please Dad- he had made the effort and I had to return the favour. In short, sex was a nightmare for me and I hadn't even been close to a situation around it: if and when I was though I was going to be educated.

"That's good. Let's see your sexy face then!"

I pulled what I hoped to be a seductive face at Blaine. He laughed and I feared that I had pulled the same uncomfortable expression as before. "It's getting better," he reassured, "you have time to practise! It's definitely an improvement from your Animal's sexy face!"

"Don't remind me!" I giggled along with him. When Blaine had told me that my "sexy faces" were in no way sexy it had felt like a slap in the face but I had quickly forgave him as he promised to help me work on it. My sexy face was still in the making but until then I was gradually accepting the idea of sex.

With Blaine it was clear that I wasn't vulnerable. With Blaine I was secure.


End file.
